STOP SHAMING.

I have been very bothered recently by a video that’s been going around of sorority women at a baseball game.

The women are not really paying attention to the game. They are looking at their phones, taking selfies, and posing for pictures with each other. And the announcers are making fun of them. “Oh, does this one look better than the other 300 that I’ve taken?” an announcer mocks. They also finish announcing a play, pan to the girls and say “And nobody noticed!” They also make comments about how they should take away their phones and not give them back until the end of the game.

The number of people that have shared this mocking the women makes me infuriated. And I’ll tell you why. I’m assuming that people think this video is a representation of a. That these girls don’t care about sports. b. They are selfish, too into themselves and their beauty and c. They should not be there if they are not paying attention to the game. and d. They are a billboard for “this generation” and it is “horrible.”

What I don’t understand is that obviously there was not much going on important in the game, otherwise THE CAMERA WOULD BE ON THE GAME AND NOT THE GIRLS. So why are people so angry? If there’s a lull in the action, why wouldn’t they check their phones?

And hey, have you ever gone to a concert and taken a selfie with your friends during the concert? Have you ever gone to an event and had a few adult beverages and now can’t remember exactly what happened? Have you ever answered your phone while you’ve been out with friends? Have you ever taken a picture of yourself IN GENERAL? Then technically you’re doing the same exact thing that the women were doing, and you should not be shaming them for that. And you know what? The women were paying customers. That means they get to do WHATEVER THEY WANT during the game. If they choose not to pay attention, so be it. Maybe they wanted to experience the atmosphere and not necessarily watch the game. But they should be able to do that. Because they PAID to.

I guess what bothers me most is this video and the comments that people are making perpetuates stereotypes. “Girls don’t understand sports. Girls love taking selfies. Girls shouldn’t be able to go to a game and not pay attention. Sorority girls are dumb. This generation cares about nothing other than themselves.”

The College Panhellenic Association at Arizona State University, where the womresponseen were from, had a beautiful response to the comments going around.

In case you can’t read the photo, it states, “…(We do) not condone the sexist and misogynistic comments made towards the women in the Panhellenic community…We support the women of Alpha Chi Omega who have been subjected to inappropriate an inexcusable media attention. We believe the comments are undermining women’s confidence, projecting negative stereotypes intended to demean and diminish the worth of our fellow sorority women and ASU students, and continue to promote a sexist environment within professional sports.” It then goes on to list the many accomplishments of the women in the sorority and the great things that they have done. The final paragraph states, “We cannot sit silent nor idle as our fellow women are treated in such a chauvinistic way. We want to take this opportunity to educate all those who have participated in these negative comments on the importance of respecting women and how their words have a greater impact on breaking the glass ceiling of women’s rights.”

I found this response on Facebook posted under the video of the women, and thought it was perfect. Apparently other people did not though, and went so far as to question why you “can’t call a girl a girl these days.”

FIRST of all, they are not “girls”, they are women. SECOND of all, things that perpetuate stereotypes like these or even jokes made about women that are “not harmful” are actually indeed harmful. These ideas contribute to an environment where people think it is okay to think these things about women and continue to escalate the cycle of privilege and oppression. So to some people, I’m sure I’m “overreacting.” But I’m tired of hearing that women are vain. I’m tired of hearing they can’t be into “manly things” such as sports. I am tired of hearing that this generation is doomed because we are glued to technology. Because you know what? It’s not just this generation that’s glued into technology; Everyone contributes to a society where technology is so valued as it is today.

I am grateful that I work with college students, because although I do have to deal with negative situations, I also deal with extremely positive ones. I have watched students help each other. I have watched students fight for their rights and the rights of others. I have watched a group of women in a sorority put on events that are philanthropic in nature and contribute positively to society. I have watched a group of young black men hold an event to talk about stereotypes and share their voice in order to break the cycle of oppression. I witness sisterhood. I witness brotherhood. I witness random acts of kindness. And I get to see these things every day. So I may be privileged in that regard, because I don’t think this generation is doomed. It may be, though, if people continue to spread things that demean others and continue to hold them back. But I won’t sit idly by and watch it happen, because I know we can do better.

To Make You Feel My Love: This Generation, Love, and Marriage

Let me just start this blog post by stating two things:

1- I am an eternal optimist. I can’t help it. It seems to be engrained in me…I always look on the bright side.

2-I believe in love. Even though I’ve never been in love myself, I have seen others in love. I have seen it work, I’ve seen the magic. I’ve got a taste of it, and I want it for myself.

So I’ve been pretty disappointed by some of the articles I’ve seen floating around the interwebs lately that state that this generation, my generation, is incapable of being in love and being happily married. These articles claim that this generation is too focused on bettering themselves, and that we prefer instant gratification due to the technological age. These articles claim that the “dating” culture has ruined us, and we’re far too selfish. One article that I read outright says “Most of us are really bad at loving”, as a reason.

I’m sorry, but that’s RIDICULOUS.

I guess I’m lucky in that I get to see love in action every day. It’s not romantic love (most of the time), but it leads me to believe that this generation is as capable as every other generation of loving each other.

I see students hold doors open for one another.

I see people pull together to contribute to their community and to give back to others.

I see Resident Assistants help a staff member in need.

I see community, students hanging out in lounges, laughing and talking with one another.

I’ve seen organizations reach out to a member who is hurting and offer their support.

I see relationships and bonds form every day, without the use of technology (or sometimes using it to add to the relationship).

I think that these things that I am able to witness prove that this generation will be just fine when it comes to love and marrige.

Do we as a generation sometimes get caught up in our technology? Sure, we do. Nothing makes me feel worse than when I see a group of individuals out together…on their phones. And yes, we have become accustomed to instant gratification. And I will be the first to admit that dating with the technology we have today is…interesting. But is this generation incapable of love and marriage? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

We’re not the first generation to be considered “selfish”. We’re not the first generation to be admonished for “dating around.” And we are certainly not the first generation to encounter drugs and alcohol or money problems. I think the issue today is that these problems are magnified for us. Technology makes it capable to see things that happen around the world. These issues that we face are NOT new…they’re just different for us and broadcasted in a different way. There are certain obstacles that we have to face that are different from what generations before us had to deal with…but hasn’t that happened with every other generation?

And PS…who says that we NEED to be in love or married to be fulfilled? The tone of the articles that I’ve read have stated something along the lines of “It’s great that we’re all independent, but it means nothing without someone to love.” I think that is ridiculous as well. I may have never been “in love”, but I have known more love in my life than I deserve. I have family and friends who show me grace and kindness every single day. I have students, staff, coworkers, and colleagues that I know I will never forget and never stop caring about. Even if I never get married or fall in love (even though I want to), I’m more than okay because I have love in my life and a career that is fulfilling and I know that I make a difference.

I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that those articles don’t give our generation enough credit. Love exists in many forms…it’s just up to us to recognize it and appreciate it for what it is. And if we do fall in love and get married, it’s on us to cultivate that love and care for it. It’s definitely hard, scary, and not easy. But I think we can do it, because I see it happen every day, and I haven’t written off our generation just yet.